I am a Prisoner in the Bangkok Hilton

One has to hand it to the British Embassy’s leading misanthrope Kate “Kuntz” Dufall. She never misses a chance to ream us poor inmates in her charge a new 'Ronson' (rectum). A recent victim of Kuntz is my countryman Neil “Joey” Clayton. Soon after our arrests the Royal (that’s fratricide to us commoners) Thai filth handed over our passports to the Embassy in Bangkok. Currently, by her own admission, Kuntz is holding over 70 passports, each one worth a good $US500 on the illegal passport market. A nice little earner for someone who can trace her Aussie roots back to the Botany Bay; 70 x 500=$35,000. There’s a problem though for her to realise this windfall. Those passports are needed for when we finally repatriate, that is unless she can get us to apply for new ones. Enter Joey. Kuntz has hit upon the scam of telling us, individually that our passports have been mislaid – not lost, mislaid. As if there’s a difference! – consequently we must apply for replacement travel warrants ...

Call me a cynic if you will. At least it is better than the appellation of Dr. Hannibal (as in Lecter) that Dufall of British Embassy infamy insists on using to discourage potential correspondents and visitors. Furthermore , a cognomen of cynic is accurate whereas Hannibal..... This month’s Citylife (Jan2011) community service section – check it out on the Web – resulted in howls of derisive laughter to emanate from D3 in the Hilton. No fault of editor Pim’s but the entry was deliberately sparse on necessary detail thereby permitting certain – no names, no pack drill – British Embassy employers to instigate yet another dirty deed done dirt cheap and bolster her pension funds at the expense of the pockets of both British ex pats and us residents in Bang Kwang. As of (presumably)1/1/11 all non- Europeans requiring a visa to travel to the UK must pass an exam that tests their fluency with the English language. A favoured phrase of both my prep. School Latin master and my mother comes rea...

If there's anything that scares the excreta - that's shit to you and me – out of the Prisoners Abroad (PA) and their boss here at the British Embassy in Bangkok, Kate Duffall ( kate.dufall@fco.gov.uk should you wish to forward this entry on to her) is that we Britons have unimpeded access to the outside world Both PA and the the Embassy go to inordinate lengths to ensure we remain muzzled. Perhaps blog followers maybe interested in the modus operandi (MO) of PA. This will be much expanded on in the PA chapter of my book. Credit though, where credit is due. As with many scams perpetrated on us Brits in Thai Gaols by those allegedly helping us, I first heard of this possibility from a Lat Yao resident, (Alan) John Davies, better known to me as Deep Throat or DT. As soon as I started receiving Nexus, a bi-monthly magazine for the active ex-pat community edited by Sheila Hare in the UK, I realised that this was a terrific source of potential visitors and supporters. I reso...

Those who know me well understand my belief that since 2003 and the stewardship of Pauline Crowe, the Charity Prisoners Abroad (motto – Caring for Britons in overseas jails) is nothing more these days than a wholly owned subsidiary of the United Kingdoms Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO). Funds are donated for Brits such as Joey, Scotty and I by socially concerned citizens such as Richard Branson and others for the purpose (amongst other things) of motivating Her Majesty's Government (HMG) to protest the appalling and inhumane conditions that its passport holders are incarcerated in. Instead Sir Richard and the others largesse goes towards Prisoners Abroad's (PA) agenda of suppressing the life threatening risk we take in getting the picture of Thai prison life to you. A challenge to Ms. Crowe. Name just one campaign that PA has led to improve our conditions! No surprise then that when my mate (no names, no pack drill) connected me to Joey's Facebook entry I...