Friday, 28 January 2011

Dirty deeds done cheap

One has to hand it to the British Embassy’s leading misanthrope Kate “Kuntz” Dufall. She never misses a chance to ream us poor inmates in her charge a new 'Ronson' (rectum).

A recent victim of Kuntz is my countryman Neil “Joey” Clayton. Soon after our arrests the Royal (that’s fratricide to us commoners) Thai filth handed over our passports to the Embassy in Bangkok. Currently, by her own admission, Kuntz is holding over 70 passports, each one worth a good $US500 on the illegal passport market. A nice little earner for someone who can trace her Aussie roots back to the Botany Bay; 70 x 500=$35,000.

There’s a problem though for her to realise this windfall. Those passports are needed for when we finally repatriate, that is unless she can get us to apply for new ones. Enter Joey. Kuntz has hit upon the scam of telling us, individually that our passports have been mislaid – not lost, mislaid. As if there’s a difference! – consequently we must apply for replacement travel warrants if we want to get home, her most recent victim being Joey.

One would think that it would be the person or organisation that lost the passport that would have to bear the cost of the replacement. Not so according to Kuntz, and this is what hurts her hapless victims, it’s us victims of her scam whose pockets are robbed. To get back to Blighty Joey had to bend over, touch his toes whilst Kuntz extracted GBP 42 from his anal orifice.

How many others have been caught by Kuntz? More to the point, how many of our 70 odd passports has she managed to mislay in Bangkok’s noted dodgy passport location, the Nana hotel (otherwise known as the British Embassy), just off Sukhumvit?

Those doubting the veracity of this blog are advised to contact Joey in HMP Wandsworth, UK or any of the other recent repatriates. While you’re at it, check out Kuntz's performance with Stephen Ingram and Xi Lin circa April 2009

Be Well


Cynical? Moi! Surely not.

Call me a cynic if you will. At least it is better than the appellation of Dr. Hannibal (as in Lecter) that Dufall of British Embassy infamy insists on using to discourage potential correspondents and visitors. Furthermore , a cognomen of cynic is accurate whereas Hannibal.....

This month’s Citylife (Jan2011) community service section – check it out on the Web – resulted in howls of derisive laughter to emanate from D3 in the Hilton. No fault of editor Pim’s but the entry was deliberately sparse on necessary detail thereby permitting certain – no names, no pack drill – British Embassy employers to instigate yet another dirty deed done dirt cheap and bolster her pension funds at the expense of the pockets of both British ex pats and us residents in Bang Kwang. As of (presumably)1/1/11 all non- Europeans requiring a visa to travel to the UK must pass an exam that tests their fluency with the English language.

A favoured phrase of both my prep. School Latin master and my mother comes readily to mind:”Sed qui custodiet ipsos custodies?” I also stress how the Embassy have again shot themselves in the foot by using the proper noun, European.

Long-standing ‘Old Thai Hands’ amongst the British ex-pats/inmate community will recall a previous ‘nice little earner’ of the Embassy’s, TB testing. Given that Amazing Dieland is rife with TB, itself only 2nd to the incidence of Aids, this scam netted consular staff hundreds of thousands in GBP paid as a back-hander by the sole clinic authorised to carry out the test! Unlikely that the cognoscenti will anticipate a lesser windfall with this latest swindle.

Not that blog readers aren’t aware of many or all, of the caveats raised by this shameful subterfuge of what is more accurately described, extortion, but I would be remiss if I failed to give, at least serious exceptions to exhibiting a competency in ‘Home Counties’ English.

  • A visitor intends to journey to the UK to experience one or more regional festivals, viz; Edinburgh, Eisteddfod, Hop picking in Kent, Morris dancing in Devon and Cornwall, Naval reviews in Portsmouth and or Plymouth, sites of Roman occupation, walking tours of Yorkshire Moors, etc., etc., etc., I argue that being conversant in a British style Eton college English is downright life-threatening in many parts of the UK.

  • The Visa applicant intends to stay in the UK for socio-economic reasons during an extended period. Linguistically the United Kingdom is one of the most diverse regions on the planet. Five separate languages, not counting hundreds of local dialects, - many of which become incomprehensible to other Britons living outside of the 5 mile radius of the locality – are routinely spoken in the British Isles; 3 Goidelic (variants) of Gaelic, i,e, Scottish, Irish and Cornish, Welsh and English. Personally I am grievously insulted by Ambassador Quayles egocentric demand that my wife and children would be forced to learn a language that they have no need of in Cymru.

Quayle needs to be asked some questions about this racist and very challengable dictum, again blog readers will need little prompting as to which ones reveal the Embassy’s true intent. For those new to this blog I’ll give a sample or two of jeopardy type answers:

  • This new policy only applies to Thailand
  • It will cost ‘big bucks’ to sit the exam.
  • The setter will be a locally employed Thai with a Khao San road T.O.F.L certification, or an Aussie woman whose name momentarily escapes me (Clue –ROFL)

As a further aid for English exam entrants should you see the Sheila whose name I can not recollect in the examination hall then the following question, posed in Australian, will ensure a 100% pass mark;


(to be spoken out loud for the best effect)

Have Fun

BangKwang Bridget

More about Prisoners Abroad

If there's anything that scares the excreta - that's shit to you and me – out of the Prisoners Abroad (PA) and their boss here at the British Embassy in Bangkok, Kate Duffall ( should you wish to forward this entry on to her) is that we Britons have unimpeded access to the outside world Both PA and the the Embassy go to inordinate lengths to ensure we remain muzzled. Perhaps blog followers maybe interested in the modus operandi (MO) of PA. This will be much expanded on in the PA chapter of my book.

Credit though, where credit is due. As with many scams perpetrated on us Brits in Thai Gaols by those allegedly helping us, I first heard of this possibility from a Lat Yao resident, (Alan) John Davies, better known to me as Deep Throat or DT.

As soon as I started receiving Nexus, a bi-monthly magazine for the active ex-pat community edited by Sheila Hare in the UK, I realised that this was a terrific source of potential visitors and supporters. I resolved to open up a line of communication with Sheila and Nexus post haste. I sent in a number of articles on Thai prison life and after persevering for 2 years made the breakthrough, or so I thought.

Either my timing was abysmally bad or I was curse by god-awful luck. Running parallel with my low-key requests that those Nexus readers living/working in Thailand may want to write to me here in the Hilton, Sheila also fielded a full on obtrusive demand from PA.

Now PA proclaim that it doesn't have any position whatsoever on the merits of whether its clients (that's us inmates) are guilty or innocent. Yet PA's Nexus submission was emphasising the inadvisability of anyone having direct contact with inmates as they were effectively letting total strangers into their homes. Instead, as PA recommended, better to write to British Prisoners via PA itself and let them forward the letters and replies accordingly. That way the convict need never know the “Pen Pals” home address.

Ostensibly a reasonable caveat. Indeed Sheila herself proposed a similar approach in that Nexus members – one has to be a member to receive the magazine or access the website – wrote to me via the Nexus home offices in the UK until the correspondent became comfortable to do otherwise. I had no problem with that, at least it would remove the unnecessary touting for handouts that DT had warned me about and PA were notorious for. Remind me one day to tell you of how PA hounded my mother, when she was dying of cancer, for a legacy.

PA, by intimation and Kate Duffall directly, have both readily voiced to all and sundry that we are drug barons, murderers, paedophiles, rapists and sex tourists even. The sole moral dereliction we have thus far escaped being accused of ghoulishness, which is PA's and the Embassy preserve.

After my request in Nexus was published Sheila wrote to me saying she had received a number of letters from members – about 50% favourable and 50% strongly censorious – and she had packaged them up and as per PA's kind offer to send them on to me, had posted them c/o The PA London address.

Needless to say I didn't see a single one. I wrote to PA about 2 months later asking what had happened to my mail. I received a supercilious response deliberately misinterpreting my question, stating that they were not responsible if no one wanted to write to me! Bollox



The FCO and Prisoners Abroad

Those who know me well understand my belief that since 2003 and the stewardship of Pauline Crowe, the Charity Prisoners Abroad (motto – Caring for Britons in overseas jails) is nothing more these days than a wholly owned subsidiary of the United Kingdoms Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO).

Funds are donated for Brits such as Joey, Scotty and I by socially concerned citizens such as Richard Branson and others for the purpose (amongst other things) of motivating Her Majesty's Government (HMG) to protest the appalling and inhumane conditions that its passport holders are incarcerated in.

Instead Sir Richard and the others largesse goes towards Prisoners Abroad's (PA) agenda of suppressing the life threatening risk we take in getting the picture of Thai prison life to you.

A challenge to Ms. Crowe. Name just one campaign that PA has led to improve our conditions!

No surprise then that when my mate (no names, no pack drill) connected me to Joey's Facebook entry I became Pig Biting Mad!! What do we find here but nothing short of a blatant poaching on a website intended for Joey to promote himself in a social setting. We find Joey's mates and supporters were ignominiously trampled on by PA perverting his “site” in a vociferous appeal to extort funds from his supporters – 06/08/2010 at 13:49

Embedded in PA's seizure of the site was news that a “fact-finding” HMG sponsored team was en-route to Bangkok prisons on a mission to encourage to “to tell it like it is” about life in a Thai Death Camp. Also no surprise to me that the PA team lacked the Testicular Fortitude to invite me to participate. Historians will recall a sound bite supposedly from Henry Ford “You can have your Model T any colour you like provided its black”. Ditto then Pauline Crowe and the PA “You can say what you like about Thai prisons provided it doesn't offend either our bosses at the FCO or The Thai Department of Corrections (or Corruptions depending on your point of view).

Out of the purest interest, what other prisoners have had their Facebook entries shanghaied by the PA poachers?

Be Well